Friday, 18 February 2011

Normal Service Has Resumed...

Wow, two weeks since my last post! I was on annual leave that day, and I'm on annual leave again today, which is why I finally feel like I've got time to blog again.

Anyway, I hope you are well. I'll be honest, I've had a strange couple of weeks. I still haven't shaken off the after-effects of my cold yet; still lots of nose-blowing and coughing which is really getting me down. I'm wondering when I'm ever going to feel better?! There was a report on the news recently about zinc being helpful in fending off the common cold - perhaps I should start taking that, unless it's too late now? I don't think this weather is helping either - I'm fed up of the cold days now, and having to scrape ice off my windscreen nearly every morning. Roll on summer!

I might've blogged last weekend, but I was in an awful mood, and the worst thing was - I didn't know why! I think Saturday started out ok - I got a few loads of washing done really early on, and even hung them out because we had a bit of sunshine (although it was probably still too cold to dry anything). As the day went on though, I started to feel really down and depressed, for no real reason. In the late afternoon I went to lie down on the bed for five minutes but of course ended up falling asleep for two or three hours! I woke up at about seven-ish and realised that I still had to bring the washing in, but when I looked out it wasn't there. I assumed CJ had brought it in, but I couldn't find it and on asking what he'd done with it, he'd shoved it all in the dryer. Some of the items though say they shouldn't be tumble-dried, so I got him to go and take them back out of the dryer so that I could sort them out. I knew he was only trying to help, but all this just added to my bad mood, which hung around for the rest of the evening. Sunday morning seemed to start off ok again; my mum came to visit and stayed for a couple of hours, and that was all good. After she left I had to get on with my ironing and a few other bits and bobs, and once again, the black mood descended (nothing to do with the ironing - it's not my favourite job in the world, but it doesn't usually depress me). I wasn't just feeling sorry for myself or being a bit mopey - at the risk of sounding melodramatic, this was like a feeling of overwhelming despair and sadness. I had a few tearful moments, but I daredn't let myself cry properly, because I felt like I wouldn't be able to stop! I kept asking myself why I was feeling like this, and I just didn't know, which was awful. It was as though I was upset because something terrible had happened - but it hadn't! There were only two things that I could think of, although neither one seemed serious enough to be making me feel so low. One was that I'm still not well, and I wondered if I was just really fed up of feeling poorly and run down. The other was the weather. Sunday especially was one of those days when it never really brightens up, and you feel like you've got to have the lights on in the house, otherwise you're walking around in the shadows all day. I didn't do any crochet, because the light wasn't good enough, and I didn't play with my camera (more on that later) for the same reason. I was probably a bit bored, and I was kind of blaming the weather. Another thing that didn't help was that CJ has just acquired an allotment, so he spent most of Sunday there, tidying it up. I'm not into gardening, so I wouldn't really have wanted to be there with him, but if I'm really honest with myself, I think I was a bit envious/jealous that he had something to do, whereas I was just sitting around feeling more and more depressed. I fell asleep again on the sofa on Sunday evening; at one point, Mischief came and snuggled up next to me but that just made me want to cry again, because he doesn't do that very often, and it's almost as though he was trying to make me feel better. I'm not kidding, I was a mess last weekend!!
Monday was Valentine's Day, and I was still in a foul mood all day, although not because of that. When I got home, CJ took me out for a romantic meal - well, we drove into North Yorkshire, got fish and chips and ate them in a lay-by at the side of the road!! Actually it was just what I needed, and by then I'd started to cheer up and feel a lot better, so whatever blackness had descended over me all weekend, it seemed to be lifting. (To be fair to CJ, he'd taken me for a 'proper' meal the week before, which was lovely - don't want anyone thinking he's mean and stingey!)
So on Tuesday I was in a better mood at work. Around lunchtime I happened to be speaking to someone who mentioned that they suffered from Seasonal Affective Disorder, and they described how the current weather that we're having made them quite depressed, sometimes even tearful. I listened open-mouthed in shock as they basically described my whole weekend!! I've heard of SAD before, and as I said, it did cross my mind that it might be the weather that was making me feel down, but what this person was saying was so accurate it was uncanny. It's all to do with the amount of light hitting your retina and travelling to your brain, which then acts on certain hormones. When it's dark, your body releases a hormone which makes you want to shut down and go to sleep; when it's light, another hormone is released that wakes you up. Which kind of explains why I just wanted to sleep last weekend! There are other factors involved too which are closely related to your mood and even your diet, which is why we turn to 'comfort food' in winter.
I should just say that it really annoys me when people say they have 'flu, when actually all they've got is a really bad cold. So I'm not in any way saying that I've got SAD, after just one 'bad' weekend. But it's definitely given me something to think about. Probably the best thing I could've done last weekend is actually got out of the house, even if it was just for a walk down the street and back, because even though it was dull, there still would've been more light outside than in, and the fresh air would probably have helped too. It's certainly made me more aware of how something as simple as the weather can affect my mood! The good news is, I'm feeling a lot better now! I'm not usually prone to depression and although I may have the odd mood swing, the events of last weekend were definitely a one-off!

Whew, that was a long one! I hope you're not thoroughly depressed after reading that?!

Speaking of Valentine's Day, CJ and I swapped cards, but hopefully for the last time. I don't really like Valentine's Day, I think it's actually become the least romantic day of the year - everyone professing their love for each other just because the card shops tell you to! I asked CJ a couple of weeks before if we were going to give it a miss this year, but he'd already bought my card, so I had to buy him one too. But we've said that we won't bother next year, although whether we'll remember that remains to be seen (because I think we said the same last year). As I said, he did take me out for a meal a few days before, and then fish and chips on Monday night, which was also really nice.

I mentioned that I hadn't had any 'camera time' for a while. This refers to a late birthday present from CJ which arrived about two weeks after my birthday (he'd been waiting for it to arrive from China). He'd bought me some macro extensions. This isn't the same thing as a macro lens, but you attach them to your normal lens and they enable you to take macro photos. The ones I've got don't allow you to auto-focus, you have to do everything manually, and it helps if you know all about your shutter speeds, ISO-whatnots etc, which I don't, so I've got a lot to learn. I did have a play about with them when I got them though, taking some close-up pics of my tulips:



Not great, but you get the idea. I definitely need to play around with it more.

I'm still working on my crochet circle, in fact, I think I might finish it soon, as I'm getting to the end of my 'scrap yarn' and I don't really want to use any 'best' stuff for what is basically another cat blanket. It's not flat at all, so that will be the next challenge, and I still haven't decided how I'm going to do that. I also bought some buttons on ebay so I might finally get around to sewing them onto my granny square cushion cover (no, I still haven't done that yet). It's basically been a very slow couple of weeks in crochet-land.

Another thing which has greatly improved my mood this week and helped to cheer me up no end, is the news that my favourite band, Arcade Fire, won Best Album at the Grammy's and also Best International Group and Album at the Brits.


I absolutely adore this band, and I'm so happy that they've got the recognition that they deserve. Having said that, it was kind of cool being a fan of a band that not many people had heard of it - it felt like I was in on a big secret! Although, judging by all the comments on the internet, they're still pretty much unknown even after their wins, which is fine by me!

This is one of the tracks from their latest album, The Suburbs.



I can't put into words just how much I love this band!

Anyway, I think that's all for now. I'm sure there was something else I wanted to mention, but if there was, I've forgotten it. I hope you haven't been plunged into your own pit of despair after reading this post - I promise, I'm normally quite a happy person! 

Bye for now!

2 comments:

  1. I know exactly what you mean about feeling unpredictably low - I'm sure for me it is related to the weather and the light as I feel it especially on those days when it is so grey and dull that the day never seems to wake up. Makes me want to hibernate! And then I feel fed up with myself for not getting things done! Think maybe this year it has felt like a long winter because of all that early snow and cold weather. Definitely time for spring and some sunshine now!
    I find it helps to have some bright things to look at - some fresh flowers, some cheerful crochet or trying to make myself do something out of the usual routine. Look on the bright side - we must be the right end of winter now! The days are getting longer and it surely can't be long before its a bit warmer!

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  2. Hi Sandra
    Sorry to hear that you have days like that too, but at least you know what causes it, and what you can do to make yourself feel better. That's why I felt so relieved to hear someone else describe how I'd been feeling, because it meant that I could start to do something about it. I think you're spot on about the fact that we've had a long winter because it started so early last year, I've thought the same too.
    I have been buying some fresh flowers, although I haven't kept up with it as well as I wanted to - I might try and pick some more up today.
    It's quite ironic that you say we must be at the right end of winter now - I would've agreed with that, but we've woken up to heavy snow this morning!! So I can't put the scarf and gloves away just yet! Oh well.

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